By Ola Abozid
Now more than ever, it seems like the concept of socialization is waning away. The prevalence of social anxiety is increasing each year, the rate of close friendships has plummeted, divorce rates are at an all-time high, and technology has become our most favored form of escapism. Whether it be in class, on the train, or while actively engaging in a conversation, technology seems to linger as though it is a third, undisclosed participant. Its presence is not only active in terms of being in the moment but it is now also responsible for much of our daily interactions and daily dosage of dopamine. People use mobile phones and computers to make new friends, communicate with old ones, and now date. Stanford University’s ongoing “How Couples Meet and Stay Together” project shows that the majority of couples now meet online. According to the study, about 55% of heterosexual couples met online in 2022 with the rate of couples introduced to one another through friends sharply declining. The research project uses the data to highlight the fact that friends, who had once been a historically crucial fount of connections to others, were disintermediated from the dating market.
Dating platforms first entered the society in 1955 with Match.com. People were suddenly able to interact with potential partners without having to change out of their pajamas. Match quickly became of one the most recognizable domain names, earning over 100,000 users in its first six months, as it matched users based on answers to a wide variety of questionnaires. It was a gateway for an entirely new matrix for dating. Similar platforms began entering the market and in about 2012 Tinder and Hinge were released. Tinder was praised for its never-seen-before swiping mechanism on potential partners for a swift rate of viewing and Hinge, on the other hand, was recognized for its use of the Gale-Shapley algorithm, a Nobel Prize-winning algorithm that helped Hinge stand out as a dating app. Then in 2014, Whitney Herd founded Bumble just months after resigning as the vice president of marketing for Tinder in 2014. The application saw success early on because of its female-first messaging policy combined with Tinder’s swiping method.
Nowadays, Tinder is the most commonly used dating application and online dating is the new norm, with nearly 3 in 10 U.S adults using dating apps (According to Forbes Health). That said, the influx of availability in romantic partners ensues an abundance of choice, which is analogous to the concept of the paradox of choice. The phenomenon was coined by psychologist Barry Schwartz to describe why consumers who are confronted with too many choices might find it harder to make decisions or to be happy with the decisions they do make. Although the concept is typically used for economic discourse, interestingly enough, it is incredibly applicable within our modern landscape for dating. As a society, particularly a Western one, we value freedom. Within the umbrella of individualism, we tend to believe that if people have freedom, then each of us can act on our own accord to maximize our quality of life without the interference of another being. The more autonomy of choices we have, the more freedom we possess. Throughout our existence, along with our online presence, we get to invent our own identity. As a society, we have the privilege to wake up every day and make the choice of whether or not to reinvent ourselves. This means that each action and choice you make is completely and utterly your doing. This concept alone creates disharmony within most young adults as they are faced with a myriad of choices ranging from how to dress, what to study, what to eat, and who to like.
Since societal standards no longer constrict our identities by overtly condemning individuality, people are now faced with identity crises more than ever. Paradoxically, the abundance of choice often produces paralysis rather than liberation; with so many options, how could one possibly choose at all? Realistically, if you have over 30 matches on Tinder, why would you only talk to one of them?
How we value things is dependent on what we compare them to. When presented with a multitude of alternatives, it is easy to ruminate on the attractive features of what you rejected to make your decision. If we can overcome the paralysis of choice, we now risk the chance of being less satisfied with our decision than we would be had there been fewer options to choose from. Naturally, we want to make sure that our choices are the best ones and, thus, are often less satisfied due to the uncharted territories that lie within each rejected decision. Moreso, not only can choices produce paralysis and dissatisfaction, but they can also produce solipsism. Because dating apps make it seem as though every person presented on your profile is specifically interested in you, we implicitly begin to feel a sense of false pride. Because the application is personalized to each user, it manipulates our brain into thinking that we, the user, are ultimately the desire being chased. Dating apps take away the humane aspects of romantic relationships and, in turn, result in ghosting, nonchalant demeanors, and overall hindered levels of intimacy. This creates a dissonance between the way we behave in the world we emerge from and the world we engage with online and, eventually, the two selves fuse into one.
With the rate of people meeting romantic partners in person declining, it’s important to accept that, simply, the times have changed. Instead of combatting the current dating environment, let us ameliorate it by remembering that behind each screen is a living, breathing entity. Navigating the labyrinth of modern romance and a world awash with digital distractions can erode our compassion for others. Thus, let us remind ourselves that behind every suggestive selfie and witty bio lies a human soul with a beating heart and complex thoughts. Algorithms and statistics only quantify a one-dimensional version of our complex relationships. In reality, though, it is our authentic complexity as human beings that allows us to defy every algorithm in the dating world.